I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
