Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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