dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
