I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
