Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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