First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
