I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
