omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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