with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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