Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
