I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
