i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
