Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
