I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
