Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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