dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
