your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
