my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
