sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
