Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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