i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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