dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
