I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
