your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
