Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You left your phone here
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