Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
