Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize