I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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