how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
