I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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