My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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