Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
