Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
