"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
