My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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