Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
did i just pee glitter
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
