i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
