I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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