I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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