wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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