I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
