Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
