I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
