i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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