You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize