bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
