I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
