hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
