I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
