Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
