Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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