somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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