Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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