Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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