I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
