i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
