I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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