he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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