How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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