so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize