I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
