I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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