Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
