Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
