I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
