she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I just put wine in my tea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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